Hello again friends, after a long much deserved vacation (yes, I know it doesn’t seem like I deserved it, but then you forget, I’m a government worker) your favourite cynic is back with his sage (,rosemary and ginger) reflections on the state of matters as they stand (or sit).
Those of you who are fans of the bracket statements will be glad to know that I resisted an intervention to that note.
Those of you who didn’t like ‘em, well, tough tomatoes, (which incidentally are never ever really that tough… trust me, I checked) you’ll have to get in line behind my word processor, a battalion of English teachers and of course a large group of appropriately attired solicitors.
As it is, once again I started typing this post with absolutely nothing to say. This means, once again, I’ll have to make it up as I go.
(don’t fret peeps, the last couple American administrations have been running their country the same way and look ..how… well … ….Ok, maybe that wasn’t the best example )
Que sera sera, let’s carpe the diem (pidgin Latin).
To those interested in knowing, no, my word processor has not yet abstained from gleefully applying itself to my typed work [sigh]. The squiggly red, green and blue lines have now become a mainstay on my screen.
As if that wasn’t enough, yahoo, facebook, tweetdeck and a dozen others have decided that the red squigglies might be a good idea. The Red squigglies are the most annoying when they appear under your given name. I mean wtf?! (Where’s the Fridge!), my name isn’t West! (heyyyy, that’s not a bad Hollywood baby name, sure beats Apple, Blanket and Kal-el don’t it?).
But let’s not digress
(which was the whole idea behind this whole piece so I guess that was [sarcasm]).
I get the Greek story of medusa. Ever come across a lady so fine you just have to stop and stare, it’s like you’ve seen fireworks.
(yes, I like Katy Perry and OneRepublic. Sue me! – but you will have to get in line behind an upsettingly long line of aforementioned solicitors)
It doesn’t matter that the chick got punished by a goddess; (from making people turn into stone figuratively, to making it happen literally? Goddess sure must have had a bizarre sense of humour) in a twisted way, a head of snakes was kind of the greatest Ms Universe crown ever bestowed.
The next topic we’re going to skip to – me learning driving. To those of you who know me well, I’m spatially challenged. My balance is almost perfect, my reflexes are okay, but my perception of space must have been reincarnated from Salvador Dali’s dreams (to those of you who don’t know… … Google it).
I can’t even remember the last time I caught a pair of keys tossed to me (which makes me wonder why people keep on tossing the damn things to me). This has given me an unhealthy fear of gutters, which, in my side of town, remain uncovered. I might be getting the hang of the car’s space though… I think. For now, however, I will have to try and restrain my trigger happy accelerator (a.k.a gas) pedal foot.
([in a slightly insane crescendo] “it feels the need… the need for speed” [insert maniacal laughter, a la Jim Carrey’s Mask])
If I ain’t dead from the urges of my Carrey-esque alter-personality, I will, hopefully, be giving weekly blog updates on both of my blogs. The more pagan amongst you might want to pour a couple of drops of libation, or make a few sacrifices (whichever works) to the gods of the public holiday… … the rest… just pray and fast.
Ever since I was employed by the government, the public holiday is my only respite. The craziness however resents the restrictions imposed by formal employment; this blog still remains one of the few ways to give it a field day. More field days = more posts.
P.S. If office workers call and school children call ‘em: field days, what do farmers call them?
L8r, and “May the squigglies be with you!”
This post was originally published on my old blog on 05/09/2011. On 15/06/2013, Mr. Kanye West welcomed his baby girl into the world. She was named after a cardinal direction. I told it (kind of) 649 days in advance: a full year, 9 months and 10 days!